Preferences

Under National Socialism in Germany, Nazis constructed a severely exclusive national identity. For Aryan men and women considered "healthy," the Nazis encouraged sex – even outside of marriage – to promote the race. Their propaganda pushed the idea that everyone else's sexuality was disgusting and dangerous. William J. Spurlin's book Lost Intimacies connects queer theory with Holocaust studies to theorize the role of sexuality under Nazis, and he questions how this attitude has manifested itself in contemporary societies. He notes the U.S. government's lackluster response to the AIDS epidemic, and how eugenic ideas influenced the public image of AIDS victims as racially and sexually other and inferior.

How else have racially restrictive ideals of sexuality influenced our current world? And how much responsibility do we take for ridding ourselves of this kind of sexual imperialism? John Mayer's controversial and very personal interview with Playboy included some inflammatory comments on race. Throughout the interview he insisted that he is "not a bad boy," and that he wants to show girls how much he loves and respects them.. But only white girls. "My dick is sort of like a white supremacist," he says. "I've got a Benetton heart," he insists, "and a fuckin' David Duke cock." It sounds like he finds it unfortunate but utterly unchangeable that his body reacts this way. Is his - or his dick's - prejudice that fixed, or does he have the responsibility to work through his prejudices?

Several months later a new meme came out called Privilege Denying Dude: a well-dressed young white man with short quips showing his (maybe well-intentioned) ignorance. "I'm gay," says one. "I know what racism feels like." Another: "Those Halloween Costumes aren't offensive," he says. "I lived in Japan for three years." Here's another:

I think we all have preferences when it comes to dating and attraction. But these are influenced by strong cultural messages saying that light white girls are more pure and beautiful, that people with health disabilities are asexual, and so on. We can't talk ourselves into being attracted to someone we're not attracted to, but we can become aware of destructive prejudices we internalize, so that we can begin to map a way out of them.

John Mayer's comment was hurtful to many readers, and offensive for its reference to the KKK, meaning that he was not only talking about his preferences, but invoking violence against those beyond his sexual attraction. And as a famous person, his words contribute more substantially to influencing American culture - and conceptions of who belongs - than for the rest of us.

But at what point are preferences just preferences, and when are they a product of the racism/sexism/heterosexism/ableism/ageism/antisemitism/ism/ism/ism that we haven't yet shed? Nazis didn't exclude only Jews or homosexuals from their race-building, but also those with physical handicaps. If a preference for blond hair and blue-eyes is dangerously influenced by eugenics, what about attraction to people with perfect skin or physically fit bodies? Is it always wrong to exclude a group of people as undesirable?

John Mayer also said that he loves fantasizing - when he masturbates, and even when he's having sex with someone else. So he should know that his penis doesn't operate entirely separately from his mind. We may have preferences, but the more we decolonize our minds, the more our preferences will be idiosyncratic, rather than sweeping and dangerous exclusions of a whole class of people.